I just want to go traveling so I can eat a bunch of new food from cool places. I want good food. 

I am stuck and running out of places to hide this feeling. I feel like I am suffocating myself with my own thoughts and it is really bothering me because I know what I should do but something is always stopping me but I cannot figure out what it is. I need a game plan, some type of direction or goal. I used to be able to keep the end in mind but I have no idea what the end will be, just what I wanted it being but that “dream” is long gone and I am stuck…

I hate spending two hours every day driving. This construction isn’t making it any easier and today I almost fell asleep at the wheel on the way to work. Sometimes I hate living so far away from my daycare provider but I know I wouldn’t be happy anywhere else and it works out for my mom to get Lib on the days she watches her. I spend so much money on gas every week that I could spend on others things and time I could spend relaxing or more time with Liberty. It is such a waste of time…

Mother’s Day was alright. Had an all you can eat buffet at the Pipac but I didn’t eat all I could eat. I really wish I had the time to eat more, but none the less, Libby got to see a horse and I got a few good pictures of her and I. 

We came home and Libby started running a fever so gave her some medicine, she had a nap and her and I went to my mom’s and helped plant flowers and wash my car while my dad grilled us steaks. My mom got a Mother’s Day gift for Libby to give me—flower pot and a card. It is really cute how she gave me the card and said “happy day mama!” She got all dirty in the mud and washed my car with me. 

After her not eating supper I decided we should head home and she started to feel really hot and sick again. I hope she starts feeling better but I can’t complain about a cuddly daughter today. 

I know some people holidays don’t mean a lot to them but to me they do. I can’t wait till Libby is old enough to actually realize why we are celebrating and get all excited about it like I do that way I will have someone to share it with. 

feeling useless and alone never fails to come right back to me every year. at least I have the summer heat to put me into a heat coma and fry all of my brain cells that ever have had the hope of accomplishing anything and feeling wanted. 

I need to start making girl plans so I can get away once in awhile. Any ladies want to go to Mall of America in June? 

I so badly want to go to the zoo. I can’t wait to see the look on Libby’s face when she sees all the animals. It will definitely be “mom moment”…you don’t get too excited for these things until you are a parent. I hope I catch her at all the right moments of her laughing and freaking out over them.

This is the start of summers to come—family trips are the best when you are young because it is so amazing to show her new things. 

I feel like a real mom. Taking my kid to the zoo. Booking a hotel. Working hard for the money to do so. I am thankful that my parents were able to do the same for me. It will be a memory she will have forever—even if she doesn’t remember it, I will be taking tons of pictures to show.

doesn’t look like this week will be going any different than the last. 

last week of classes with two more tests…while having little time to read for them. I guess next week will be better since I won’t feel guilty playing with my daughter. 

I need to stop getting my hopes up so high for the same thing every morning.